I'm currently sitting in a tractor trailer with my daddy waiting for his load to dock out. It has become a Thanksgiving tradition to head out on the road with him for a couple of days. It's one of the only times that I get enough time off from work so I don't have to worry about getting back to work on Monday.
His dedication to make sure people have groceries in the store, to drive safely, to deliver on time... It is not an easy job and it gets tougher every year. But I love this time I get with him, even if he does harass me through most of it as only dads can.
He does what needs to be done to make sure that everyone else can live their life. And I love him for it!
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Love for Truckers
Friday, November 20, 2015
Love for Negativity (Again)
Last night, I received another Christian smackdown that I am too quick to respond to a situation with negativity. I love this friend dearly and am very grateful to have her in my life. Her willingness to call me out and keep me on track, especially on something that she knows is so important to me, I cannot say thank you enough....
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Love My Church
This year, my church has helped me to recenter and refocus my faith. It all started with one simple statement 'Love is Here, Take it With You.' The people I have met, the connections I have made, the lessons I have learned...
I know every thing happens for a reason, and I know at least one of the reasons that I did not get the apartment that I applied for in 2011, but I am very glad that I decided to still try out the churches on my list before looking at churches closer to where I did move to.
The first church I went to was the one that listed more musical options on their website and after meeting the people there, specifically Mr. E and Ms. D, I never thought about going anywhere else.
My second week there, Mr. E asked if I would like to join the handbell choir and just like that music was back in my life.
The small town feeling in the middle of the state capitol was just perfect and made me feel like I was back home.
I know every thing happens for a reason, and I know at least one of the reasons that I did not get the apartment that I applied for in 2011, but I am very glad that I decided to still try out the churches on my list before looking at churches closer to where I did move to.
The first church I went to was the one that listed more musical options on their website and after meeting the people there, specifically Mr. E and Ms. D, I never thought about going anywhere else.
My second week there, Mr. E asked if I would like to join the handbell choir and just like that music was back in my life.
The small town feeling in the middle of the state capitol was just perfect and made me feel like I was back home.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Love My Mom
This year I've had a series of health related dietary changes and through it all my mom has had my back and supported like never before.
After looking at some blood work earlier this year, my doctor told me to eat more fruits and vegetables and stop eating fried foods. No more KFC, Chick-Fil-A, french fries, chips, fried zucchini, the list goes on. I started getting grilled options at the fast food places, which isn't worth it at KFC, but thankfully, is at CFA, since I basically live there and we do a lot of work for them. French fries wasn't that big of a deal since I had already cut them out quite a bit anyways. What do you mean I can't have chips? Like I need salt!!!! (This was also the hardest part of no fried food for mom to help with. You just don't realize chips are fried.) Every summer fried zucchini is a staple in our house. I can't remember a childhood summer without zucchini! I came home early one night this summer and hear mom say 'I'm busted.' I asked her what she meant. She had made zucchini for dinner knowing that I would be at bible study, except that we had canceled that night.
I started taking a medication for my migraines that has made it that carbonation tastes very strange. Basically watching me drink a soda is very amusing to watch. I know this and have stopped drinking it, but sometimes, I just want a soda. And then I start doing this weird dance and making cat hairball sounds, and mom kindly explains to anyone in the vicinity that I'm on this medication.
As I've started getting my migraines under control, I'm learning new things about my migraines, such as candy is a SEVERE trigger. Like level 8, 10 day long migraine trigger... and so, I do not eat store bought candy anymore. And no matter how much I want it, she won't let me have candy.
It has been awesome having her support me this year! I know that she doesn't have to do this and I hope that some day I can support her like this.
After looking at some blood work earlier this year, my doctor told me to eat more fruits and vegetables and stop eating fried foods. No more KFC, Chick-Fil-A, french fries, chips, fried zucchini, the list goes on. I started getting grilled options at the fast food places, which isn't worth it at KFC, but thankfully, is at CFA, since I basically live there and we do a lot of work for them. French fries wasn't that big of a deal since I had already cut them out quite a bit anyways. What do you mean I can't have chips? Like I need salt!!!! (This was also the hardest part of no fried food for mom to help with. You just don't realize chips are fried.) Every summer fried zucchini is a staple in our house. I can't remember a childhood summer without zucchini! I came home early one night this summer and hear mom say 'I'm busted.' I asked her what she meant. She had made zucchini for dinner knowing that I would be at bible study, except that we had canceled that night.
I started taking a medication for my migraines that has made it that carbonation tastes very strange. Basically watching me drink a soda is very amusing to watch. I know this and have stopped drinking it, but sometimes, I just want a soda. And then I start doing this weird dance and making cat hairball sounds, and mom kindly explains to anyone in the vicinity that I'm on this medication.
As I've started getting my migraines under control, I'm learning new things about my migraines, such as candy is a SEVERE trigger. Like level 8, 10 day long migraine trigger... and so, I do not eat store bought candy anymore. And no matter how much I want it, she won't let me have candy.
It has been awesome having her support me this year! I know that she doesn't have to do this and I hope that some day I can support her like this.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Love for Nicknames
Growing up my dad was very insistent that each of his children be called what they were named. No nicknames were allowed. But when I was 12 years old, my mom told me that if she had known there were other was to spell Jessica she would have. She started spelling different variations and when she got to Jesyka, I stopped her. That was it. Parent approved nickname. My high school chorus teacher said it wasn't Jessica anymore, it was Jes-Y-Ka, and a new personality was born.
At one point in time, I was also stuck on Jessi, but you could only call me Jessi if you knew how to spell it properly. I only one friend that called me Jessi.
My fiance's nephews used to call me Aunt Jessikey.
When I started going to my church, for some reason we had a discussion about Jesyka in my Sunday school class and they changed it to Swykes.
Each of these names all say the same thing, love, happiness, joy. The meaning behind them is what is important when I hear them. They make me smile when I think about them and the memories surrounding them.
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Love for Sunday Lunches
After church and Sunday school, different members of our Sunday school group have been going to lunch at a nearby restaurant. It's been nice to just relax and catch up with our week, recent news, the church sermon, or just random topics. A nice time to visit and share, to create a community outside of church. This time is one of my points that I look forward to each week. It helps to center me and keep me moving forward.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Love for Vehicular Safety
As I drove to work this morning with a beautiful fall wind blowing leaves everywhere, I couldn't help but think about the Dukes of Hazzard and how the leaves were always blowing behind their car. That is until that lovely wind helped me lane change and then I started thinking about the people who help keep my car safe to drive, the people who helped me learn how to drive, the people who maintain the roads to allow us to drive safely, as much as we like to complain about them, even the people who create the traffic laws that keep us safe. Ok, I might not have thought about all of that as I was driving to work... But I am certainly thankful for each of them. I love the freedom of having my own car and knowing how to driving it and thanks to my sisters patience in downtown Ithaca at rush hour (a laugh compared to DC, but at the time.....), I can drive a manual shift as well. There are so many crazy driving stories that I could recount... some near misses... Some, not so near.... But at least I have never attempted to jump a pond in a bright orange car.... And if I have, I'm not telling anyone besides my Creator! :-)
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Love to Breathe
After almost a month of struggling to breathe on a daily basis, every deep breath I am able to draw is a blessing from God. They are few and far between. But even with that and the multitude of prayers I know I am continuing to receive for healing, there is something that I know with a deep down conviction.
I suffer from chronic migraines, allergies, asthma, bronchitis. I struggle with my weight and someday could have some other issues if I don't take care of myself. But there are a million other diseases and conditions out there that I could have instead. I could live someplace where medical care is not as easily accessible.
When I look at the big picture, I have to say that today, I love my health, troubled though it may be, because I do have health. I am grateful for every breath I struggle to take and got the access I have to all the medications I'm taking to heal my lungs. And so very much I love my God that created it all!
I suffer from chronic migraines, allergies, asthma, bronchitis. I struggle with my weight and someday could have some other issues if I don't take care of myself. But there are a million other diseases and conditions out there that I could have instead. I could live someplace where medical care is not as easily accessible.
When I look at the big picture, I have to say that today, I love my health, troubled though it may be, because I do have health. I am grateful for every breath I struggle to take and got the access I have to all the medications I'm taking to heal my lungs. And so very much I love my God that created it all!
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Love for Autumn
Today I am missing home and the bright beautiful colors that I have only ever seen in the northeast. I catch occasional glimpses of a bright yellow or red here and there, but it's just not the same. I am home sick.
I love the cool temps and festivities that surround September, October and November. What a beautiful time of the year as we celebrate the earth that God created for us and it all builds up to Thanksgiving. A celebration to give thanks for all that we have and all that we have been given.
How awesome and amazing is that?
I know lots of people do thankful November on Facebook, but this morning I was told to combine thankful November with love and see what comes of it. And so I shall.
Please join me. Feel free to post here or on Facebook something related to the post, or just something that you felt as you read it.
If you've been reading along, you know that He has been working in great and mysterious ways and I would love to see what He is doing in your life.
I love the cool temps and festivities that surround September, October and November. What a beautiful time of the year as we celebrate the earth that God created for us and it all builds up to Thanksgiving. A celebration to give thanks for all that we have and all that we have been given.
How awesome and amazing is that?
I know lots of people do thankful November on Facebook, but this morning I was told to combine thankful November with love and see what comes of it. And so I shall.
Please join me. Feel free to post here or on Facebook something related to the post, or just something that you felt as you read it.
If you've been reading along, you know that He has been working in great and mysterious ways and I would love to see what He is doing in your life.
Friday, October 30, 2015
Love to Remember
I have suffered from migraines since 12 years old. Some times I hurt worse than others, but every day of my life, I wake up with pain. I just have to get on with my life. But then there are those days, when I just cannot not get out of my bed, no matter how much I try.
About a year ago, these specific migraines started getting out of control to the point of disruption of my life and I decided to seek medical attention. After a couple of false starts, we found a mix of medications that are controlling my migraines well and I am living my life my life again happily.
I was told that a side effect of one of the medications was memory loss, but I brushed it off. I'm not one of those people that believes in the LONG list of side effect that comes with every drug on the market, and my memory is amazing.
My mom said to me once 'Why do I need to write it down? I have you!'
I have other people comment on the fact that I can remember conversations almost verbatim even a year later. I just remember stuff easily.
A couple months ago, mom and I were talking with a friend about a very dear friend of ours and I could not for the life of me remember his name. I could picture him, I could remember one of his catch phrases, I could remember his alter ego, but I could not remember his name. I actually had to get onto Facebook and scroll through my friends to figure out his name.
Next, I couldn't remember the name of a celebrity chef that I love, then one of my closest friends as I was trying to introduce her to someone else. Recently, I've started having issues remembering which key unlocks the building at work and which one unlocks my office.
In our bible study a few weeks ago, we studied the 10 commandments and talked about that anger is just a step away from murder and so I've been trying to be careful about getting angry and about being hateful. But it is so frustrating to look at my friend, who is helping to save me from my darkest self this year, who is keeping me afloat, and not be able to remember her name. To be so embarrassed as my mother harasses me for not being able to remember our dear friends name that I love so much.
Last night we talked about Paul's thorn in the flesh and asking God to remove it. Instead, God give him the grace to deal with it.
I asked for my migraines to be removed and they have been. Instead I may be starting to lose small pieces of my memory.
I know He is with me as I go through this and I am here for a reason. I can only continue to pray for His grace as Paul did to deal with with frustration of not being able to do everything I used to be able to do.
About a year ago, these specific migraines started getting out of control to the point of disruption of my life and I decided to seek medical attention. After a couple of false starts, we found a mix of medications that are controlling my migraines well and I am living my life my life again happily.
I was told that a side effect of one of the medications was memory loss, but I brushed it off. I'm not one of those people that believes in the LONG list of side effect that comes with every drug on the market, and my memory is amazing.
My mom said to me once 'Why do I need to write it down? I have you!'
I have other people comment on the fact that I can remember conversations almost verbatim even a year later. I just remember stuff easily.
A couple months ago, mom and I were talking with a friend about a very dear friend of ours and I could not for the life of me remember his name. I could picture him, I could remember one of his catch phrases, I could remember his alter ego, but I could not remember his name. I actually had to get onto Facebook and scroll through my friends to figure out his name.
Next, I couldn't remember the name of a celebrity chef that I love, then one of my closest friends as I was trying to introduce her to someone else. Recently, I've started having issues remembering which key unlocks the building at work and which one unlocks my office.
In our bible study a few weeks ago, we studied the 10 commandments and talked about that anger is just a step away from murder and so I've been trying to be careful about getting angry and about being hateful. But it is so frustrating to look at my friend, who is helping to save me from my darkest self this year, who is keeping me afloat, and not be able to remember her name. To be so embarrassed as my mother harasses me for not being able to remember our dear friends name that I love so much.
Last night we talked about Paul's thorn in the flesh and asking God to remove it. Instead, God give him the grace to deal with it.
I asked for my migraines to be removed and they have been. Instead I may be starting to lose small pieces of my memory.
I know He is with me as I go through this and I am here for a reason. I can only continue to pray for His grace as Paul did to deal with with frustration of not being able to do everything I used to be able to do.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Love to Seek Peace
Seek sēk/ verb attempt to find (something).
peace pēs/ noun freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility.
I was told several weeks ago to write about peace. That's it. That was the message. Nothing more. I prayed for several days, listened to music for inspiration, posted on Facebook, read my Bible, asking for some kind of clue as to exactly where I was supposed to go with this peace post.
Finally, I was told to write about seeking peace and I was able to start putting something together. Then I did my prep work for last week's Bible study. The subject? The prodigal son. Talk about being lost and looking for peace! Today I am doing prep for this week's Bible study and there is a section that talks about seeking peace!
It's about now that I'm Jonah in the whale going, OK, God.... I'm writing..... Really!
The work of righteousness will be peace,
And the effect of righteousness,
Quietness and assurance forever.
Isaiah 32:17
A few weeks ago, our pastor had us share with our neighbors around us where some beautiful places were that we had been.
For me, going out to my favorite camping spot in the mountains of the Appalachians, or to the Gulf in Florida, or the Filmore Glen in New York, or even a rare glimpse of bright yellow foliage as I sit writing this in Richmond .... These have always been my sources of peace.
But this summer, something changed.
It started in Sunday School when I said I didn't know what was happening in my life, but that something was. I only knew that every time I got closer to church, the devil played havoc in my life and pulled me away.
July marked Thursday night bible study starting and Sunday lunches. August was this blog. September I was asked to help out with the food pantry and to join the praise team. October was my first practice and performance with the praise team. I am still waiting for my chance to contribute to the food pantry, but I am willing.
All of this is showing me a much different and far greater peace than those I've previously experienced. Yes, I still still take my vacations, but I don't think that I will need them the same way that I have in years past.
I am seeking my peace almost every day of the week! And it is an amazing experience!
Monday, October 26, 2015
Love to Write
I have been busy and sick and struggling with the subject of the next post and I am making excuses...
I miss all of you and appreciate your missing me. I will be back very soon!
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Love to Pray
Sunday after church, I let my drivers window down to release the heat in my car. Only it didn't go back up when I wanted it to.
No worries. I only needed to drive a couple of miles to a local park where my dad and our friend who solved my low tire issue would be. We tried shutting the car off and turning it back on. Dad tried pulling the panel apart and playing with the switches power. Our friend and I have already replaced one motor in a different door and knew it was easy to gain access to it, so we ripped the door apart and tried banging on the motor. No luck. We also couldn't get a good grip on the glass to raise it manually.
So I grabbed my heavy leather jacket that I keep in my car for winter emergencies, cranked the heat and drove 40+ miles home with the window down.
Once there, we rigged up a cover to protect from any rain out of black garbage bags, but I can't exactly drive with it, so I just remove it while I drive.
Ordered the motor yesterday, it will come in today. Awesome!
The thought occurred to me at some point in time yesterday, what happens if it is raining while I am driving? Well.... Let's hope it doesn't.......
This morning, I walked out of my apartment to wet ground and overcast skies. My heart fell.
And then I started praying. Lord, please don't let it rain while I drive. Over and over.
Every time I saw a glimpse of sun I said thank you with a grateful heart and spirit.
I just continued this until I arrived at work completely dry.
The skies are a beautiful blue, not a cloud visible anywhere.
Nothing is too small or trivial if you just pray.
No worries. I only needed to drive a couple of miles to a local park where my dad and our friend who solved my low tire issue would be. We tried shutting the car off and turning it back on. Dad tried pulling the panel apart and playing with the switches power. Our friend and I have already replaced one motor in a different door and knew it was easy to gain access to it, so we ripped the door apart and tried banging on the motor. No luck. We also couldn't get a good grip on the glass to raise it manually.
So I grabbed my heavy leather jacket that I keep in my car for winter emergencies, cranked the heat and drove 40+ miles home with the window down.
Once there, we rigged up a cover to protect from any rain out of black garbage bags, but I can't exactly drive with it, so I just remove it while I drive.
Ordered the motor yesterday, it will come in today. Awesome!
The thought occurred to me at some point in time yesterday, what happens if it is raining while I am driving? Well.... Let's hope it doesn't.......
This morning, I walked out of my apartment to wet ground and overcast skies. My heart fell.
And then I started praying. Lord, please don't let it rain while I drive. Over and over.
Every time I saw a glimpse of sun I said thank you with a grateful heart and spirit.
I just continued this until I arrived at work completely dry.
The skies are a beautiful blue, not a cloud visible anywhere.
Nothing is too small or trivial if you just pray.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Love to Love You
When our small group started their study of God Loves You by David Jeremiah, I told myself that I was not going to blog about it anymore. I wanted my reader to come to the bible study instead of just reading about it here.
There is one very large problem with that idea... My readers are all across the world. I am reaching more people than I ever thought I would.
Second reason I am breaking my self imposed rule is that this weeks' chapter was just so strong, so moving, so powerful... As I started reading... Before I had finished the second page of the chapter, I already was composing this post. I knew I had to share this message. It was one that I did not learn growing up and I knew it was one that I had to share.
David Jeremiah starts with a story from 'With: Reimagining the Way You Relate to God' by Skye Jethani. The House of Despair was an underground safehouse for Christian college students. These students were probably the outcasts on campus as they sought various forms of painkillers: sex, drugs, alcohol, and just real conversation.
As I read about these kids and their struggles in school, I found myself understanding where they were coming from.
One night, the original author asks the students how many were raised in a Christian home?
All raised their hands.
How many grew up in a bible centered church?
All hands stayed up.
And none of you realize that through everything, God still loves you...
As humans we are taught about conditional love: if I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough or short enough or rich enough or flirty enough or the list goes on, he won't love me. I try everything I can to keep his love.
God's love is unconditional. He loves you because He wants to, because He created you.
2 Timothy 13 says 'if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.'
Think about that. No matter how much you mess up, He still loves you because you are part of Himself. What a strong and amazing image to hold close!
As I started reading about the House of Despair and their stories, these words kept echoing in my head 'For God so loved the world.'
I wasn't finishing the verse. I was being told to stop right there. Because isn't that what these kids needed to know? They knew about Jesus. They know the story, as do most people out there.
But do you know, and I mean, do you know, that God loves you? You!
No matter what you did yesterday, what you do today or what you do tomorrow. God will always love you!
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Love for Unborn Babies
When I was a kid, all I wanted was to grow up and make babies. At one point in time, I had a list of 24 names for my prospective children. (The father of said children was going to have to be rich and very accepting.... lol)
And then I grew up...
Funny how that happens and 24 kids suddenly becomes a terrifying number... But I still wanted a baby!
I got married just as soon as I could and we started trying, but month after month, no baby.
This I know was a blessing from God after I left him and realized I had been in an abusive marriage.
Soon after, I met a karate instructor and started taking self defense lessons, then started dating. After about a year we discovered we were expecting a baby. We were both so excited! We told our families and started looking at baby stuff.
We were planning how this new addition to our family was going to change everything.
And then entirely too soon, God took my baby to be with Him in heaven.
I don't know why and there is nothing that anyone can say to make it feel better or to change how I feel. I cannot 'just get over it' as some people would like me to do.
As soon as I knew that there was this little tiny life inside of me, I felt an unconditional love that will last the rest of my life.
I never got to hold my baby in my arms, but I felt her in my heart.
One of the best conversations I had after my miscarriage was with one of my cousins who had a miscarriage. The general idea was whatever you are feeling is normal. Feel it. It is ok. And if you ever need to talk, I am here.
To be told that it is ok to grieve, no matter how small the life that is lost, was huge! Every one had been telling me to just get over it up until that point or just avoiding the issue entirely.
It is difficult, so hard. To feel that love inside of you, to want something so bad and then feel it draining out of you, unable to stop it.
It took years before I could hear about a pregnancy in my family without jealousy or tears. Even longer before I could walk through the infant section of a store, then the toddler section.
Each and every one of these babies deserves our love. I know God had His reason for taking my baby from me and He did it with love and I can love Him for it.
Today, take a moment and say a prayer for an unborn baby, may he or she live forever in heaven. Amen.
And then I grew up...
Funny how that happens and 24 kids suddenly becomes a terrifying number... But I still wanted a baby!
I got married just as soon as I could and we started trying, but month after month, no baby.
This I know was a blessing from God after I left him and realized I had been in an abusive marriage.
Soon after, I met a karate instructor and started taking self defense lessons, then started dating. After about a year we discovered we were expecting a baby. We were both so excited! We told our families and started looking at baby stuff.
We were planning how this new addition to our family was going to change everything.
And then entirely too soon, God took my baby to be with Him in heaven.
I don't know why and there is nothing that anyone can say to make it feel better or to change how I feel. I cannot 'just get over it' as some people would like me to do.
As soon as I knew that there was this little tiny life inside of me, I felt an unconditional love that will last the rest of my life.
I never got to hold my baby in my arms, but I felt her in my heart.
One of the best conversations I had after my miscarriage was with one of my cousins who had a miscarriage. The general idea was whatever you are feeling is normal. Feel it. It is ok. And if you ever need to talk, I am here.
To be told that it is ok to grieve, no matter how small the life that is lost, was huge! Every one had been telling me to just get over it up until that point or just avoiding the issue entirely.
It is difficult, so hard. To feel that love inside of you, to want something so bad and then feel it draining out of you, unable to stop it.
It took years before I could hear about a pregnancy in my family without jealousy or tears. Even longer before I could walk through the infant section of a store, then the toddler section.
Each and every one of these babies deserves our love. I know God had His reason for taking my baby from me and He did it with love and I can love Him for it.
Today, take a moment and say a prayer for an unborn baby, may he or she live forever in heaven. Amen.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Love for Love
While I lived in Florida, my boyfriend and I regularly visited a Christian bookstore. One day I saw these white signs with mirrors, crosses and mirrors cut out of the wood to let the mirror shine through. There were probably 10 different sayings, 3 for $10 and while we were a little short on money, I really wanted these in our living room. We talked about it and decided that God would find the money and I could get them.
Sorting through the designs to find only 3 was so much harder than I thought I was going to be! They were all so good! How could I pick only 3? But there was no way we could afford more, so finally I decided on grace, believe and........ Love!
Even almost 10 years ago I was feeling God's love! Being surrounded by it! I am amazed when I keep making these discoveries.
A couple years ago, I moved in with a girl and our apartment was very colorful. It was the perfect place to relax at the end of a crazy day! We decided to hang my cross mirrors on the stairway going upstairs after a minor makeover.
Today, I noticed the way I have my mirrors hung, is with love on top. A constant reminder that God loves me!
Wherever I look in my life, love is here. I just need to continue to take it with me.
I love you, for being here, for not giving up on me when my life gets crazy and I can't post. Thank you.
Look around. Can you find love in your life today?
Sorting through the designs to find only 3 was so much harder than I thought I was going to be! They were all so good! How could I pick only 3? But there was no way we could afford more, so finally I decided on grace, believe and........ Love!
Even almost 10 years ago I was feeling God's love! Being surrounded by it! I am amazed when I keep making these discoveries.
A couple years ago, I moved in with a girl and our apartment was very colorful. It was the perfect place to relax at the end of a crazy day! We decided to hang my cross mirrors on the stairway going upstairs after a minor makeover.
Today, I noticed the way I have my mirrors hung, is with love on top. A constant reminder that God loves me!
Wherever I look in my life, love is here. I just need to continue to take it with me.
I love you, for being here, for not giving up on me when my life gets crazy and I can't post. Thank you.
Look around. Can you find love in your life today?
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Love to Open the Door
One day last week I got to work early to eat breakfast in peace. I closed the door to the office and it appeared that we were still closed.
I heard someone come in the back door to the building a short time later and after a few seconds walk back out. I really didn't think much of it until several moments later my coworker 'unlocked' the door. He had come into the building, assumed the door was locked and walked back to his car for his keys.
Do you ever find yourself unprepared for life's challenges? Ever wishing you had the keys to unlock the doors in front of you?
I often find that if I pray about something that I'm struggling with that the door is already unlocked.
God equips us to get through the day. It won't be easy. We will see that the door is closed, but wait, breathe, pray, and try the door. Is it really locked or are we just expecting it to be locked?
Today I find I need this reminder as I struggle with a few doors in my life. But I continue to pray and I know when it is time, He will tell me to open the door and it will not be locked as it appears to be today.
Friday, September 25, 2015
Love for Scripture: John 14:15-31
I recently switched from my Chicken Soup for the Soul bible to a new Quest Study Bible that I picked up at a thrift store years ago. With it comes a new reading plan and the study notations are opening my eyes to see the bible in ways I've never considered before.
Read today's verse. It starts with Jesus talking about the Holy Spirit coming to us after His death.
Read it again.
Verse 15 says 'If you love me, you will obey what I command.'
Verse 21a 'Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is one who loves me.'
Verse 23a 'Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching."'
Three times in one lesson Jesus says if we love Him we must obey or if we obey we must love Him.
Am I learning more about obedience this year as well as love without realizing it? I know I'm learning more about Him and my relationship is growing so much stronger as I am learning to listen as I never have before.
Is that obedience to His love?
Through this journey and through my personal life, I have learned of many people who are working on love or obedience this year.
Is Jesus saying we are all working on the same thing 'love AND obedience'?
I have found myself in the past few weeks waiting, listening for his voice as I try to make my decisions or before I react to a situation. It is hard and I don't always succeed, but sometimes, I do feel a calming spirit come over me in the heat of the moment. I just say thank you, because I know that I am obeying Him. And it all started with Blinded and Love for Wide Open Roads.
It's amazing how far I've come. I feel so blessed to be able to share it with you, to know that this is my calling today. I don't know where tomorrow will take me, but I can't wait to find out!
Monday, September 21, 2015
Love to for Scripture: Matthew 6:25-34
I went to visit the dentist today for a cleaning and to get my permanent crown fitted. During the cleaning, I was asked if I had been having any issues. I said over the last few weeks I'd been experiencing some sensitivity. During the cleaning they checked me out but didn't find anything to cause the pain and recommended to have the dentist double check when he saw me. The first thing he asked me was if I was under any stress.
How did he know???
Evidently it can translate to mouth sensitivity if ones mouth is being properly cared for.
I came across this reading last week and marked it for an entry. After being told that stress is possibly causing physical pain in my life, I guess now is a great time to write this. Maybe I'm the one that needs to read it most of all.
Can you imagine not worrying about anything in life? Being as free as the birds in the air or the plants in the field? How beautiful and well fed are they?
God gives each and every creature in His Kingdom exactly what they need to survive. So shall He take care of us, His children. So much more precious to Him.
Instead look for God, search for His Kingdom and His treasures, and everything that we need will be provided to us.
I love verse 34:
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
How simple and true is that? So tomorrow, today, in 5 minutes or right now, when you start worrying, stop, pray about it instead. Release the tension from you. Ask for strength, for peace.
And say a prayer for me as I say one for you. Let's help stop the worry, stop the pain, stop the trouble, let tomorrow worry about itself.
Friday, September 18, 2015
Love to Watch
'Love to Watch'? Seems kind of creepy... Let me start with my drive into the city this morning.
I got into the highway with four other cars, three civilians and 1 state police car. Rather odd, I was the fastest driving civilian as I set my cruise control at five over the speed limit. One exit later the state police car exits, and suddenly, I am the slowest car on the highway as everyone finds their gas pedal now that their not being watched.
Last night in bible study, we were talking about that God is always watching us, every moment of every day. He loves to see what we are doing. Every single one of us. Does that change how you act? Do you not speed while you're thinking about it and then hit the gas pedal as soon as you think He's not looking?
I think about how hard it is to be perfect all the time..... Impossible, in fact. But that is why Jesus came and died for us. When God watches us, He sees the perfection of His Son.
How amazing is that?
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Love for This Year
The beginning of this post is a difficult story that very few people know, but I think it is time to tell it.
I am one of those people that needs sunshine in my life. Without it, I get very sad. Wintertime is very long and difficult for me. Growing up in Upstate New York, even more so, but I survived.
Leaving NY behind, the glorious autumn celebration of my birth, all my friends, was harder than I realized. Combine that with various life experiences and as September arrives, temperatures drop, and in Virginia everything just dies, and my own mood plummets as the winter months approach. Over the years it started getting out of control, so I started taking vacation to Florida.
2 years ago, I couldn't do that. I was in a very dark place in my life and as the winter months approached, life was overwhelming. I was suicidal, left alone every weekend. I didn't know how I was going to make it to Monday still alive.
Today, I can't give you that answer other than by the grace of God.
I had no one to call, no one to email, no one to text to say help me, keep me company, keep me sane until I am. I was utterly alone as I struggled with my demons.
Today, I am in a much different place in my life. And for the first time in 10 years, while I feel the sadness of past years traumas, I do not feel the darkness attempting to swallow me. This week, this month, I have had some very serious things happening in my life, and when I needed someone, I had help and support. I know that I am no longer alone in this world. I am loved! I take that love with me every day of the week. It is a gift so precious and so rare, I will never receive another like it.
That is what this is all about! Find some love in your heart and share it with someone today!
Love to Follow the Leader
Yesterday I went out with the girls after work. Since I picked where we were going, I was leading the caravan of cars. Whenever I am leading people, I memorize the cars and keep an eye on them to make sure I don't lose any of them while entering or exiting highways or going through traffic lights. I try really hard to make sure the group stays together unless everyone does know where we are going.
Yesterday, we made it to the restaurant with no issues and had a great time. Then I needed to take one of my friends to a gas station before she headed home. No problem. And she loved the price of gas too!
Now the gas station I chose has rock bottom prices and a great location relative to the highway, but for her and I it was a little tricky. First, it's on the right side of the road and you need to make an immediate left to get back on the highway, but once on the highway, the highway ends. I have to go left to go home and she needs to go right.
I tell her to follow me out onto the highway. She tells me she's turning on her GPS. We leave the gas station and make the left hand turn easily, but the traffic on the highway was really heavy. I cut across so I can go home and assume that because this is the first time that I have left my friend behind and we just talked about it that she knows where she is going now. As I exit left off of this highway, back in the distance I see an SUV that looks like hers.
I pick up the phone and call her....... Sure enough, even through all that heavy traffic she was able to follow me.
That got me thinking... About people looking when I'm not expecting it, people following my example no matter if I'm doing good or bad. That is a heavy weight to bear.
But through constant practice, it becomes easier. Surrounding myself with the positive energies that I want to portray to the world has helped.
Each and every choice that I make, positive or negative, someone is watching, someone can see, someone can follow. Is it a choice I can say was made in God's name and is reflecting His way, so that when it is copied it is His will be done? I hope I am living my life like that.
Monday, September 14, 2015
Love to Know the Rest of the Story
Sitting in the park, people watching, I see a father and his young daughter.
She says, 'You're going to be my best friend forever, Daddy.'
The father responds, 'You're my best friend forever too.'
She says, 'I love you' as she hugs his leg and he says it back.
What a perfect moment to witness. It made my heart warm to experience that even as a bystander.
A short time later, I hear a small child screaming 'let me go' as the father and child and coming back to their car.
What happened on their walk to ruin the innocence? Will she soon, as young children her age tend to do, forget and dad will be her best friend again? How long until they each feel the love they just experienced? Until someone else gets to witness another moment?
How many of these cycles has God experienced with humans? How many of these cycles has He experienced in each of our lives?
We each say 'I love you' and then, foolishly, humans turn our backs time and time again. And yet, God waits for us, patiently, with open arms, waiting to say 'I love you' once more.
Love to Trust
Last night I was reading about Zechariah in Luke 1. I was reminded about his being mute for the length of Elizabeth's pregnancy after his doubt.
What a powerful image and reminder to trust the Lord when we are given a command to obey Him. I know I won't always and there will be time when I don't understand His message. But how many times do I have an angel of God visiting me, straight up telling me what is about to happen? How much more clear can it be?
Last week, I asked for that clarity. Specifically, I asked to 'be beat up side my head.' What can I say? I know I'm occasionally stubborn and I know that God can get through to me despite it. With that specific decision, I have been feeling unease and just not right. I have to believe that feeling is the answer to my prayers. There are just too many things that are happening in this instance that are making me believe that He knows this is not where I am needed right now.
Sometimes I just know when He is speaking to me, and other times, I doubt. I pray that I am never struck mute for doubting an angel of God.
What commands are you feeling in your life lately? What prayers have you been asking for lately? Have you been looking for an angel?
What a powerful image and reminder to trust the Lord when we are given a command to obey Him. I know I won't always and there will be time when I don't understand His message. But how many times do I have an angel of God visiting me, straight up telling me what is about to happen? How much more clear can it be?
Last week, I asked for that clarity. Specifically, I asked to 'be beat up side my head.' What can I say? I know I'm occasionally stubborn and I know that God can get through to me despite it. With that specific decision, I have been feeling unease and just not right. I have to believe that feeling is the answer to my prayers. There are just too many things that are happening in this instance that are making me believe that He knows this is not where I am needed right now.
Sometimes I just know when He is speaking to me, and other times, I doubt. I pray that I am never struck mute for doubting an angel of God.
What commands are you feeling in your life lately? What prayers have you been asking for lately? Have you been looking for an angel?
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Love for Crossroads
Crossroads is the name of my Sunday School class.
Google gives me the definition as the intersection of two or more roads or the alternate definition of a point at which a crucial decision must be made that will have far reaching consequences.
Our Sunday School class is named for the first definition because we are a mixing pot of people from early 20's to late 30's, basically a crossroads of life.
My life lately seems to have found its own crossroad. And I think it might be a mix of the two definitions. Roads are meeting and choices are needing to be made. Some of these choices will change my life today, some tomorrow, but some will still be changing my life years from now.
One of those choices is why I am writing right this minute instead of sleeping.
In Sunday School last week we were asked to write a list of questions in response to a short poem that talked about living the answer. One of the questions I wrote was will I ever marry again. While I do not know the answer to that question, nor am I concerned with it's answer today, one of the questions facing me today is so complex and far reaching that I have to wonder the answer. And here I am, way too late at night, worrying about the fate of the world. Didn't I write just a few days ago about turning it all over to God?
Here I am, still not perfect. I am praying for guidance.
If you've been reading for long, you know that some weeks I find great peace, and others, like this week, I just can find no calming spirits.
I pray that your prayers grant you the peace that you seek. And that you may live the answers to the questions you ask.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Love for Music: "Hello My Name Is"
"Hello, My Name Is" by Matthew West
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh (ah oh),
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh (ah oh),
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh
Hello, my name is regret
I’m pretty sure we have met
Every single day of your life
I’m the whisper inside
That won’t let you forget
Hello, my name is defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I’ll drag you right back down again
‘Til you’ve lost all belief
Oh, these are the voices. Oh, these are the lies
And I have believed them for the very last time
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, I have been set free
"Amazing Grace" is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh
I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The one who makes all things new
Has proven it’s true
Just take a look at my life
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I've been saved, I've been changed, I have been set free
"Amazing Grace" is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh (ah oh),
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh (ah oh),
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh
What love the Father has lavished upon us that we should be called His children
I am a child of the one true King
What love the Father has lavished upon us that we should be called His children
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I've been saved, I've been changed, I have been set free
"Amazing Grace" is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh (ah oh),
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh (ah oh),
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh
I am a child of the one true King
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh (ah oh),
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh (ah oh),
Whoa oh ah oh ah oh oh...
I've had this song saved, picked out for a post for a while, but it just kept getting pushed to a back burner. Today as I had an identity crisis at work over what my name is and whether or not I can use Jesyka on a personal delivery... I knew this would be the post for tonight.
We can choose to live with regret and defeat, and they will surely rule our lives. I know that there are days when I look back at something I did and I just have to wonder what was I thinking? The more I dwell on it, the easier to stay down, the easier to fall next time. It's such a vicious cycle and one the devil knows how to play well.
But if you take that step to say I am a child of God, I rise above this, I can do this! This power that stands behind you is amazing, awe-inspiring!
When I hear this song on the radio, my heart fills with love, hope, joy, a wonder that of all the people, with my past, that I was chosen to be a child of God. That is a feeling that is beyond all cupboard and there is nothing like it in this world!
So it doesn't matter if my name is Jessica or Jesyka or Swykes or Cee, what does matter is that my name is child of the one true King and I have been saved!
Love for Music: "Trust and Obey"
- Hymn: Trust and Obey
- When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.- Refrain:
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
- Refrain:
- Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey. - Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey. - But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey. - Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.
Growing up in my grandparents church, I learned hymns very different from the music I listen to today. This was one of my favorites. I can still remember the hymn number, #32. I felt it a very appropriate song for trust being such a strong word for me right now.
There is such a combination in this song of relieving of our stresses, of doing His work, of being in community. It is just a simple song that reminds us to trust and obey the Lord.
Love for Music: "Pray About Everything"
"Pray About Everything" by Luke Bryan
Time is tight and money's short
River's up and the weatherman
He's calling for another storm
Pressure's on, the margins thin
Gotta figure out a fix for this awful fix I'm in
Oh Mama, what am I gonna do
She said, "Child there's only one thing you can do"
[Chorus:]
Don't worry 'bout nothing
Let it go, see what tomorrow brings
Don't worry 'bout nothing
Pray about everything
Pray about everything
Love is blind, fate don't care
Lose your grip
And your balloons go sailing off into the air
Oh Mama, what am I gonna do
She said, "Child,there's only one thing you can do"
[Repeat Chorus]
Yeah take a walk, take a breath,oh give it all a rest
Take a cane pole to the fishing hole and catch a couple fish
And just like that toss'em back and make a little wish
Don't worry 'bout nothing
Let it go, see what tomorrow brings
Don't worry 'bout it stress about it, fret about it
Don't worry 'bout nothing
Let it go, see what tommorrow brings
Don't worry 'bout nothing
Pray about everything
Yeah, pray about everything
The worries of the world are many. Money, relationships, weather, work, traffic, all of it can be a burden and to many people it is.
Christians have a secret, only it's not such a secret. We pray. They more we pray, the less we worry. We know God has it.
Yes, I am human. Yes, I still worry. But it is because *I* don't want to give up my control. If I were strong enough to give Him complete control of my life and trust that everything would be fine, I would have no worry. But I'm not, so I worry.
I know I'm not perfect. Add it to the list of things I'm working on...
I pray about a lot of things, the big things, the little things and everything in between. Praying is a conversation between God and you, an intimate conversation, one that He desperately wants to hear regularly. It doesn't have to be big and fancy. It doesn't have to be spoken. It can be a mental conversation, it can be written. What is important is that you talk to Him so that you can learn to hear His voice.
I have been changing up my personal prayer time lately, but my favorite time to pray is still when I am in my car driving my hour commute. To just talk to Him as I drive down the road, saying good morning and thank you for this day. Especially when I used to drive at sunrise and sunset. What a beautiful time to pray!
Take a moment today to talk to your Father, say thank you for today and let go of your worries.
Love for Negativity
A couple weeks ago, a friend told me one of my posts came off as really negative. As I re-read it, I started have self doubt because that was not my intention. It is not how I try to live my life.
I have had so much negative energy in my life over the years that I try my best to limit how much I bring into my world. I don't listen to or watch the news. I don't follow any news channels on Facebook. In my opinion, most of the 'news' today is sensationalized negativity. What gets the most reaction from the public is what gets the headlines.
I try to surround myself with positive and encouraging energy as much as possible, because try as I might, the negative continues to happen. I continue to be hurt, I continue to be rejected, I continue to be torn down. Adding other people's hurt to my own, doesn't help keep my own energy level where I need it to be.
This week has been a difficult week for me. Full of self doubt, worry, anxiety. Nothing seems to be helping.
Yesterday afternoon I was driving and I heard the song that my friend was telling me about, 'you aren't falling apart, you are falling into place.' It did give me some peace for awhile.
But by the end of the day yesterday, I was pretty sure that the place I was falling into was just a mess. I am doing a lot of soul searching right now and praying for guidance. I know I am lost and feeling really negative about where I am right now, but I am trying, I am praying to get through it.
The one this that this journey has shown me so far is that I am exactly where He wants me to be today. I know that without a doubt. I will be where He wants me to be tomorrow.
I may be feeling negative about today, but my outlook for tomorrow remains positive because I know that He is there with me. I know He is here with me today. I just don't know what it is He wants me to do today. And that is where I fight with the negativity.... Time for me to pray more.
I have had so much negative energy in my life over the years that I try my best to limit how much I bring into my world. I don't listen to or watch the news. I don't follow any news channels on Facebook. In my opinion, most of the 'news' today is sensationalized negativity. What gets the most reaction from the public is what gets the headlines.
I try to surround myself with positive and encouraging energy as much as possible, because try as I might, the negative continues to happen. I continue to be hurt, I continue to be rejected, I continue to be torn down. Adding other people's hurt to my own, doesn't help keep my own energy level where I need it to be.
This week has been a difficult week for me. Full of self doubt, worry, anxiety. Nothing seems to be helping.
Yesterday afternoon I was driving and I heard the song that my friend was telling me about, 'you aren't falling apart, you are falling into place.' It did give me some peace for awhile.
But by the end of the day yesterday, I was pretty sure that the place I was falling into was just a mess. I am doing a lot of soul searching right now and praying for guidance. I know I am lost and feeling really negative about where I am right now, but I am trying, I am praying to get through it.
The one this that this journey has shown me so far is that I am exactly where He wants me to be today. I know that without a doubt. I will be where He wants me to be tomorrow.
I may be feeling negative about today, but my outlook for tomorrow remains positive because I know that He is there with me. I know He is here with me today. I just don't know what it is He wants me to do today. And that is where I fight with the negativity.... Time for me to pray more.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Love for Apples
Lately I've been eating a lot of apples and trying to find the perfect apple to please my very picky taste buds.
Do you know those stickers that are on the apples?
I've noticed that some stickers are easy to peel off with a little tab that is already partially removed. Simple to slide your nail or finger underneath of and take right off.
Others don't have a tab, but generally have a wrinkle that I can get my nail into with a little bit of work and remove the sticker.
But my favorite apple, Cripps Pink Lady, has a sticker adhered so perfectly with such a strong glue that I can't get my nail under an edge without bruising the apple. I end up actually removing the flesh of the apple to remove the the sticker.
I want to have faith that strong. I want to be a witness for God like that. To know that to attempt to remove God from my life would be to Him from my flesh. I don't want to have a peel tab or a wrinkle to make it easy to separate me from my God.
I know the only way to keep my faith that strong, to keep the relationship so alive that I am so protected is to live in His word. To wake up with Him, to live with Him, to be with Him at all times. This is something that I have learned a lot about this summer and I hope to learn much more about as the fall starts. I know that my faith sticker is not perfect and strong yet, but I do know that the wrinkles are smoothing out.
Find something today to remove your peel tab. Work towards smoothing out a wrinkle this afternoon so that tomorrow we can all have a more difficult to remove faith sticker.
Do you know those stickers that are on the apples?
I've noticed that some stickers are easy to peel off with a little tab that is already partially removed. Simple to slide your nail or finger underneath of and take right off.
Others don't have a tab, but generally have a wrinkle that I can get my nail into with a little bit of work and remove the sticker.
But my favorite apple, Cripps Pink Lady, has a sticker adhered so perfectly with such a strong glue that I can't get my nail under an edge without bruising the apple. I end up actually removing the flesh of the apple to remove the the sticker.
I want to have faith that strong. I want to be a witness for God like that. To know that to attempt to remove God from my life would be to Him from my flesh. I don't want to have a peel tab or a wrinkle to make it easy to separate me from my God.
I know the only way to keep my faith that strong, to keep the relationship so alive that I am so protected is to live in His word. To wake up with Him, to live with Him, to be with Him at all times. This is something that I have learned a lot about this summer and I hope to learn much more about as the fall starts. I know that my faith sticker is not perfect and strong yet, but I do know that the wrinkles are smoothing out.
Find something today to remove your peel tab. Work towards smoothing out a wrinkle this afternoon so that tomorrow we can all have a more difficult to remove faith sticker.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Love for Friends
Yesterday afternoon I received a phone call that made me slightly anxious and as I was driving home, I really wanted to talk to a particular friend of mine, but I am not going to see her until Sunday. Late last night, my phone rings and she is calling me. It really was a true blessing. She might tell me to get out of her head, but last night, I was so glad that she was in mine.
I don't know how long that we spent on the phone, talking about our day, each crazy in our own individual ways, and I just felt better about the phone call I had received earlier in the day. I needed that grounding from God to say that this may or may not be the next step in my life, but that you are ready to take it.
She shared a lyric from a song that will soon be in the 'Love for Music' series. The lyric wasn't quite right, but it fit our lives, and it fit the moment that I was living last night.
'You aren't falling apart, you are falling into place'
How powerful is that? Even if the words aren't exactly right? And so what I needed to hear.
I had to laugh when I answered the phone last night and my friend said that her fingers hurt so she couldn't text me, so she called me instead. By the end of the conversation, I knew there was a reason that she called me and it had nothing to do with her fingers. I needed that phone call. I needed her, I needed the spirit of God last night. I needed love. How powerful is it to feel something so special wrap around you and hold you?
Today, instead of texting or emailing someone, call them.... Say I love you!
I don't know how long that we spent on the phone, talking about our day, each crazy in our own individual ways, and I just felt better about the phone call I had received earlier in the day. I needed that grounding from God to say that this may or may not be the next step in my life, but that you are ready to take it.
She shared a lyric from a song that will soon be in the 'Love for Music' series. The lyric wasn't quite right, but it fit our lives, and it fit the moment that I was living last night.
'You aren't falling apart, you are falling into place'
How powerful is that? Even if the words aren't exactly right? And so what I needed to hear.
I had to laugh when I answered the phone last night and my friend said that her fingers hurt so she couldn't text me, so she called me instead. By the end of the conversation, I knew there was a reason that she called me and it had nothing to do with her fingers. I needed that phone call. I needed her, I needed the spirit of God last night. I needed love. How powerful is it to feel something so special wrap around you and hold you?
Today, instead of texting or emailing someone, call them.... Say I love you!
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Love for Unity
The African Methodist Episcopal denomination asked Christians to mark today together, in response to the shooting at Emmanuel AME in Charleston, SC.
I'd like to think that I'm not racist. Half of my family is African American, one of my closest friends is from Guatemala, another is from Puerto Rico, others are gay.
The problem is that I am in the privileged white class. I don't know what it's like to live with another skin color. I don't know what it's like to live in this country without speaking English. I don't know what it's like to be attracted to someone of the same sex.
There are so many different ways that we discriminate against each other again and again. Wars are fight, lives are lost, families torn apart because of hate.
Someday I'd like to think that we will learn love... To put down the knives and guns, to look past our differences, to find the similarities, to love one another.
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Love for Bowling
Last night there was a storm and let me tell you that Virginia by far has the worst thunderstorms of anywhere I've lived. Over the years I have heard many different explanations to tell kids not to be scared of the storms, but the one that has always stuck with me was God and the angels bowling.
Last nights game must have been something to witness! Anytime there is a good thunderstorm I find myself thinking about what kind of game is being played. I guess it is a left over security blanket from childhood. Suddenly there was a loud CRACK right on top of my house and I jumped as a lightening strike couldn't have been farther than a mile away. God just got a strike, literally. I had to laugh at myself, because I was already writing this post in my head and knew that I had to include that moment. That even as an adult, we still get scared by our childhood fears.
A couple months ago, I drove home in a 'Virginia Thunderstorm' as we call them in our house, after dark. It is a truly terrifying experience. One that I spent praying the entire time to just make it home safely. Torrential downpour, strobe light lightening, thunder so loud you can feel it. That night I was 75 minutes from home. It took me 2 hours to get home because the visibility was to the front of my car. I didn't have my radio on. I didn't need any further distraction. Speed limit 70, I was driving 40.
The bowling game that night.... Was one I'll never forget! Maybe those games are the tournaments between God, Jesus, Moses, Noah, the apostles... Maybe that's why it's so violent... Maybe it's like our Saturday night black light special that some of the bowling alleys do. What ever the reason, they certainly make a mess when they bowl that hard.... My yard is covered with limbs this morning and I'm sure when I leave today I'll discover downed trees.
But when the next storm rolls through, and the thunder starts.... I'll still think of God and the angels....
What comforts do you have today from your childhood?
Friday, September 4, 2015
10 Things God Can't Do
Love to Listen
I sit down to write every day, thinking I know what I'm going to write. At least I have an idea of the beginning of my story. I know what made an impact on my day or my week, I know how to start writing, to tell the story. But the farther I go, the more I venture into the faith side of it, the further from the facts I travel, I am discovering that I am no longer the one writing.
It has happened here and there with every post, and certainly when I have a plan of what I want to write for tomorrow and then something else happens and I know that is what I need to write about instead. I know that God is in control of this love story much more than I am. I am merely His pen.
As I see my audience grow to people who I don't know, I am humbled. As my friend tells me to 'get out of her head', I am humbled. I asked my friends which title they want to see me write about and they picked the one that was more developed in my head. I sat down to write it and by the time I finished it, I had to reread it, because I didn't actually know what I had written. And I am humbled.
As was said in bible study last night, the little voice inside of you (Holy Spirit) saying 'holla' in reference to giving you hope in the middle of trials and tribulations... that little voice has been not so little lately as I write. It has been speaking to me, through me, to each of you. Knowing what you need to hear each day.
I've been saying in our bible study that I love seeing the same themes reflected in Thursday night and sermons Sunday morning and in Sunday school and even in our personal devotions. It just makes it seem like what we are doing, and studying is blessed by the Lord if we keep seeing it showing up everywhere we look. When I started seeing what I was writing about here showing up in my devotions and my prayer app, that is when I truly started feeling in awe of what is happening here.
Because of you, I am here, listening to every word that I'm being told to write so that I can be told to get out of your head, so that you want to come back tomorrow, so that you send this to your friends, so that God's love is spread to the whole world!
It has happened here and there with every post, and certainly when I have a plan of what I want to write for tomorrow and then something else happens and I know that is what I need to write about instead. I know that God is in control of this love story much more than I am. I am merely His pen.
As I see my audience grow to people who I don't know, I am humbled. As my friend tells me to 'get out of her head', I am humbled. I asked my friends which title they want to see me write about and they picked the one that was more developed in my head. I sat down to write it and by the time I finished it, I had to reread it, because I didn't actually know what I had written. And I am humbled.
As was said in bible study last night, the little voice inside of you (Holy Spirit) saying 'holla' in reference to giving you hope in the middle of trials and tribulations... that little voice has been not so little lately as I write. It has been speaking to me, through me, to each of you. Knowing what you need to hear each day.
I've been saying in our bible study that I love seeing the same themes reflected in Thursday night and sermons Sunday morning and in Sunday school and even in our personal devotions. It just makes it seem like what we are doing, and studying is blessed by the Lord if we keep seeing it showing up everywhere we look. When I started seeing what I was writing about here showing up in my devotions and my prayer app, that is when I truly started feeling in awe of what is happening here.
Because of you, I am here, listening to every word that I'm being told to write so that I can be told to get out of your head, so that you want to come back tomorrow, so that you send this to your friends, so that God's love is spread to the whole world!
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Love to Drive Straight
Over the last few weeks, I've noticed that my van hasn't been driving exactly the way I want it to. It has been pulling a little bit, a tiny vibration, a little loose, just not acting right. Without being able to describe what's wrong, I know I can't really take it to someone to have them look at it. I mean what am I supposed to say? Well, something is starting to go wrong, but I really don't know what, and I don't know if you can even find it? Insert many dumb blonde jokes here. Believe me, I know most of them.
Earlier this week, I came home to see a friend of the family's truck in the drive. He helps us out with vehicle repairs sometimes and actually was working on my dad's van, so I wandered down to the two of them. I asked if when they were done, could they check my tires for 'play', whatever it is that my dad does when he looks at a tire and miraculously knows what is wrong....
After a few minutes of talking about what was wrong, they asked if I had checked the tire pressures. Stupid me...... Nope, I had never even thought about it. So after checking the tires and discovering that one of the back tires was about 15 psi low, I was told to drive it and see if that fixed my problems before we start looking for any kind of front end problems.
As I drove to work the next morning, straight and smooth, feeling silly that something as simple as a soft tire had been causing me problems for weeks and I hadn't been able to pinpoint it, I had to think about all of the little things in life that we let side track us.
How often have I let the devil give me an excuse not to make it to church Sunday morning because I was out Saturday night? How many times have I not read my devotional because I was running late and it was easy to 'make up time' by cutting out that portion of my day? How many times have I taken from the Lord because the world has gotten in the way? How long before that tire is soft? How long before it is flat?
After I read my bible, when I pray, when I go to my Thursday night bible study, attend church, spend time in community with others, when I give back to God, when I add some air to the tire, when the car drives a little bit straighter, is when everything seems to go so much easier.
Life is still hard. I still need to add gas and oil and change the tires to keep the car running and you need to do the same with God and your relationship with Jesus, but if you do the work, if you spend the time, it is easier, every day. Miss the maintenance, miss the time, miss the devotion and the next time is harder.
Check your tires... Are they all aired up? Do you need an oil change? See if you can find an extra 5 minutes to spend with God today. See if you feel a difference. Bask in His love as He changes you.
Earlier this week, I came home to see a friend of the family's truck in the drive. He helps us out with vehicle repairs sometimes and actually was working on my dad's van, so I wandered down to the two of them. I asked if when they were done, could they check my tires for 'play', whatever it is that my dad does when he looks at a tire and miraculously knows what is wrong....
After a few minutes of talking about what was wrong, they asked if I had checked the tire pressures. Stupid me...... Nope, I had never even thought about it. So after checking the tires and discovering that one of the back tires was about 15 psi low, I was told to drive it and see if that fixed my problems before we start looking for any kind of front end problems.
As I drove to work the next morning, straight and smooth, feeling silly that something as simple as a soft tire had been causing me problems for weeks and I hadn't been able to pinpoint it, I had to think about all of the little things in life that we let side track us.
How often have I let the devil give me an excuse not to make it to church Sunday morning because I was out Saturday night? How many times have I not read my devotional because I was running late and it was easy to 'make up time' by cutting out that portion of my day? How many times have I taken from the Lord because the world has gotten in the way? How long before that tire is soft? How long before it is flat?
After I read my bible, when I pray, when I go to my Thursday night bible study, attend church, spend time in community with others, when I give back to God, when I add some air to the tire, when the car drives a little bit straighter, is when everything seems to go so much easier.
Life is still hard. I still need to add gas and oil and change the tires to keep the car running and you need to do the same with God and your relationship with Jesus, but if you do the work, if you spend the time, it is easier, every day. Miss the maintenance, miss the time, miss the devotion and the next time is harder.
Check your tires... Are they all aired up? Do you need an oil change? See if you can find an extra 5 minutes to spend with God today. See if you feel a difference. Bask in His love as He changes you.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Love for Music: "Reckless"
"Reckless" by Jeremy Camp
Everytime I try to play it safe
Holding back just a little part of me
I find myself forgetting what
I say that I believe
The promise of Your Word
Is all I need
I'll lay my life down
And give it up
I'll give it up
Holding back just a little part of me
I find myself forgetting what
I say that I believe
The promise of Your Word
Is all I need
I'll lay my life down
And give it up
I'll give it up
[Chorus:]
I wanna be reckless
Cause You are endless
I wanna be shameless
And shout Your greatness
I will not be afraid
To surrender my way
And follow who You are
I wanna be reckless, reckless
I wanna be reckless
Cause You are endless
I wanna be shameless
And shout Your greatness
I will not be afraid
To surrender my way
And follow who You are
I wanna be reckless, reckless
I will lose my life
And just let go
Because I know this world is not my home
With fearless faith
I won't be moved
Unshakeable inside Your truth
You laid Your life down
And gave it up
So I'll give it up
And just let go
Because I know this world is not my home
With fearless faith
I won't be moved
Unshakeable inside Your truth
You laid Your life down
And gave it up
So I'll give it up
[Chorus]
I won't waste any more time
My life's Yours it is not mine
Use me Lord no matter what's at stake
My life's Yours it is not mine
Use me Lord no matter what's at stake
Do you find yourself holding back? Playing it safe? Afraid? I'll admit that this is something that I am struggling with. Witnessing my faith is not easy for me. I keep trying and over the last year I have actually spoken to complete strangers about my faith several times. I still have a ways to go until I don't feel 'shoved out of my box,' but I am continuing to try.
I know there are different ways for everyone to be 'reckless' with their own faith and I know that person to person witnessing may not be mine. But I want to try.
Years ago, while I was living in Florida. I was attending a small Methodist church some distance from where I was staying. Don't ask me how I happened to decide to attend this one. I know it wasn't the closest, but the people were friendly, if not a bit older than me. A small group invited me out for Sunday brunch after service. It was just a very welcoming place.
The lady I was staying with was not very religious. She had attended services with her husband somewhere years before, but no longer had any interest.
I would come home Sunday afternoons with stories of service and brunch and all these people I had met. By the end of the summer, she started attending with me and going to Sunday brunch and the older crowd was just the right age for her to fit in.
A couple weeks later, I had to go home for college, but she kept attending. She said that my enthusiasm and spirit had renewed her own vigor.
The energy and high I received from that is something I cannot begin to describe. I only know that someday I hope to bring someone else to the Lord so that I can have His blessing for sharing His word recklessly once again.
How are you being reckless today?
I know there are different ways for everyone to be 'reckless' with their own faith and I know that person to person witnessing may not be mine. But I want to try.
Years ago, while I was living in Florida. I was attending a small Methodist church some distance from where I was staying. Don't ask me how I happened to decide to attend this one. I know it wasn't the closest, but the people were friendly, if not a bit older than me. A small group invited me out for Sunday brunch after service. It was just a very welcoming place.
The lady I was staying with was not very religious. She had attended services with her husband somewhere years before, but no longer had any interest.
I would come home Sunday afternoons with stories of service and brunch and all these people I had met. By the end of the summer, she started attending with me and going to Sunday brunch and the older crowd was just the right age for her to fit in.
A couple weeks later, I had to go home for college, but she kept attending. She said that my enthusiasm and spirit had renewed her own vigor.
The energy and high I received from that is something I cannot begin to describe. I only know that someday I hope to bring someone else to the Lord so that I can have His blessing for sharing His word recklessly once again.
How are you being reckless today?
Love to Love
I am a hopeless romantic. For as long as I can remember I've wanted the white picket fence, perfect marriage and a whole mess of kids. I'm constantly on the search for my other half, looking for my soul mate, the man who will complete me.
Occasionally, after I get on a dating site and start weeding through a bunch of guys that just are not what I'm looking for, I will tell myself that I quit. For a while I will be content to sit on the sidelines. But I am really just not designed to be alone.
So I try again and I find someone that I actually get close to and then I get hurt. Yet again, I quit.
I've been playing this same game with myself for a very long time. Please note the definition of hopeless romantic.
But ever since I figured out 'Love is Here, Take It With You,' I have had an inner peace and contentment fill me unlike I have ever experienced.
Yesterday I saw a big beautiful truck with stacks on it (country girl though and through) and was joking with myself about finding the owner to give him my number. But besides the fact that I would never put myself out there like that, I know that a romantic relationship is not what He wants for me right now.
The only love He has planned in my life, right this very minute......is His. I love that. That I am being so blessed to feel the strength of His love right now so much that I do not have to worry about a romantic relationship for the first time in my life.
How are you experiencing His love today?
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Love to Snooze
In the middle of the night, I woke up with a migraine. I can't complain. Since my last visit to the neurologist and the adjustments that she made, it's the first time that it has happened. So the changes that she made are working, but when my 6:00 alarm went off, I hit the snooze button. When the cats started crying, knowing that I am usually awake by now, I kicked them out of my bedroom and shut the door. When the next alarm went off, I hit the snooze button and kept hitting it long past my usual 'you have to leave for work now' time. My head just hurt and I could not make myself leave my bed.
In the middle of all of my snoozing and trying to find the energy to start my day, I did finally read my 'First Five' devotion and Dr. David Jeremiah's devotion. Usually reading both of them is enough to kick start my day. There is just an energy that is found from spending time with God, in prayer or contemplation and reflection. I love that I have been getting up at 6 the last few weeks and just spending the first hour of my morning with Him. It really has been a great start to my day.
This morning, I just couldn't do it and although I know that I read my devotions and felt that they were good reads, I really don't remember them.
I hate my migraines. I hate the pain and the way they steal my life from me. But today, I hate that they stole my time with God from me and there was no way I could stop it.
What do you find stealing time from God?
In the middle of all of my snoozing and trying to find the energy to start my day, I did finally read my 'First Five' devotion and Dr. David Jeremiah's devotion. Usually reading both of them is enough to kick start my day. There is just an energy that is found from spending time with God, in prayer or contemplation and reflection. I love that I have been getting up at 6 the last few weeks and just spending the first hour of my morning with Him. It really has been a great start to my day.
This morning, I just couldn't do it and although I know that I read my devotions and felt that they were good reads, I really don't remember them.
I hate my migraines. I hate the pain and the way they steal my life from me. But today, I hate that they stole my time with God from me and there was no way I could stop it.
What do you find stealing time from God?
Monday, August 31, 2015
Love to See
I cannot see well to drive after dark most of the time. My migraines cause lights to be about ten times their normal size. I have to be very careful when meeting an oncoming car to look at the edge of the road and follow my headlights to stay on the road. Some nights are more dangerous than others depending on how severe the migraine is, how bright the lights are, if they are flashing like a police, fire or construction vehicles, etc.
Saturday night, I was driving home from my show and saw the construction signs saying that the right lane was closed, merge left. I am not one to wait until the last minute and I was already in the middle lane, so I thought I was OK until suddenly the construction cones were in my lane too.
The lights reflecting off all the cones as I drove through in combination with the work vehicles and I was completely blind. I knew my exit was coming up, but I was unsure with all of this sensory overload if I would be able to see where I needed to go.
Suddenly all the cones ended and I was in darkness, my exit ahead, but my eyes were still adjusted to all the light. With a car behind me, unhappy that I wasn't driving as fast as he would have liked through the construction zone, getting ready to pass me on the right despite my right turning signal and the fact that I am drifting to the right as I am attempting to find my exit in the darkness.
Do you ever find that your life is a construction zone? That you think you are following directions, preparing for what's ahead until suddenly the road changes and you become overwhelmed?
If you haven't, I have... I am... Right now. Everything is overwhelming me. I know that He is in control and everything is for the most part really good. But, I still feel knocked out of my lane, a little unsure, blinded, wanting to slow down a little bit but knowing that the speed limit hasn't decreased.
Where I don't want to end up, is on the other side, in the middle of the darkness, unable to see anything, lost and drifting.
I know I keep talking about trust, but that is what I am being told. Trust in Him. That He will bring me through this construction zone that He given to me. He waited until I was ready for it. I know this. I just need to keep trusting.
How is He testing your trust today? Are you experiencing your own construction zone?
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Love for Direction: Part 2
Do you ever wonder if He's listening? Do you ever wonder if He cares about your tiny little problem when He has the huge weight of the world to take care of?
If you've been reading my posts over the last few weeks, you know I've been struggling with some work related issues and yesterday I asked for your prayers as I am finding the situation more and more difficult to handle.
This morning I wake up to find today's devotional from Dr. David Jeremiah so strong that I'm putting a link to it here.
First of all... Psalm 23 was probably the only verse I had even a clue of having any of it memorized growing up.... Memorization wasn't big in the church I went to as a kid.
But as I start reading through the devotional, it just started echoing the ideas of my Thursday night class.
That voice inside you, guiding you.... I'm trying to find it.... I need it in this situation so desperately!
I know I'm lost and it seems my GPS is broken right now, but I think this week has been one where I have been so blessed to have God show me again and again, He is in control. He knows what is going on and is taking care of everything.
How can I not love my God?
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Love for Music: "Go Rest High on That Mountain"
"Go Rest High On That Mountain" by Vince Gill
I know your life
On earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
You were no stranger to the rain
On earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
You were no stranger to the rain
[Chorus:]
Go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and Son
Go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and Son
Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve
I wish I could see the angels faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing
We gathered round your grave to grieve
I wish I could see the angels faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing
[Chorus]
Earlier today, a man and a woman joined Jesus in his eternal love. They now have the blessing of his never ending presence and peace.
I send prayers for their families and co-workers that they also find love and peace in a time of tragedy.
I send prayers for their families and co-workers that they also find love and peace in a time of tragedy.
I know this song isn't perfect for the situation ... But the chorus is one that makes me think of peace and rest well earned after our work here is finished. Amen
Love for Direction
I usually love the craziness of my job. Getting to do something different every day. Working with a wide variety of people, but only seeing a very small number. Juggling a million balls of different sizes as I decide which ones are the most important to concentrate on first.
I have excelled at this for years even with the added insanity of my bosses who usually are just amusement for me as I watch their life and the way they live it.
Three years ago, they started becoming more aggressive towards me and a year later I left. The company that I went to was not quite the right fit for me, so when I was offered this job again, I decided to take it back because I missed the craziness, the excitement, the people.
14 months later, we are back where we were 2 years ago, if not worse. I certainly never cried back then.
Today dressed down for 2 basic tasks of my job as if it were my first day and I didn't have a clue what I were doing.
The first, giving out the bosses cell phone number... This is something that any entry level receptionist learns her first day on the job and I am not an entry level receptionist. I've been doing office jobs for over 10 years now... I *NEVER* give out someone's cell phone number unless I know I have permission to.
I just am starting to wear thin on how much I can take and why I am still here.
One of the girls in my Thursday night class keeps saying about her job 'I know there is a reason God has me where I am.' I keep trying to apply this philosophy to my job, but the string I'm grasping at is getting smaller by the day, my prayers weaker.
Please join with me, because I don't know what I am supposed to be doing, and I am quickly losing sight of the love in this situation.
I have excelled at this for years even with the added insanity of my bosses who usually are just amusement for me as I watch their life and the way they live it.
Three years ago, they started becoming more aggressive towards me and a year later I left. The company that I went to was not quite the right fit for me, so when I was offered this job again, I decided to take it back because I missed the craziness, the excitement, the people.
14 months later, we are back where we were 2 years ago, if not worse. I certainly never cried back then.
Today dressed down for 2 basic tasks of my job as if it were my first day and I didn't have a clue what I were doing.
The first, giving out the bosses cell phone number... This is something that any entry level receptionist learns her first day on the job and I am not an entry level receptionist. I've been doing office jobs for over 10 years now... I *NEVER* give out someone's cell phone number unless I know I have permission to.
I just am starting to wear thin on how much I can take and why I am still here.
One of the girls in my Thursday night class keeps saying about her job 'I know there is a reason God has me where I am.' I keep trying to apply this philosophy to my job, but the string I'm grasping at is getting smaller by the day, my prayers weaker.
Please join with me, because I don't know what I am supposed to be doing, and I am quickly losing sight of the love in this situation.
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