Do Not Be Anxious

Love to See

I cannot see well to drive after dark most of the time. My migraines cause lights to be about ten times their normal size. I have to be very careful when meeting an oncoming car to look at the edge of the road and follow my headlights to stay on the road. Some nights are more dangerous than others depending on how severe the migraine is, how bright the lights are, if they are flashing like a police, fire or construction vehicles, etc.
Saturday night, I was driving home from my show and saw the construction signs saying that the right lane was closed, merge left. I am not one to wait until the last minute and I was already in the middle lane, so I thought I was OK until suddenly the construction cones were in my lane too.
The lights reflecting off all the cones as I drove through in combination with the work vehicles and I was completely blind. I knew my exit was coming up, but I was unsure with all of this sensory overload if I would be able to see where I needed to go.
Suddenly all the cones ended and I was in darkness, my exit ahead, but my eyes were still adjusted to all the light. With a car behind me, unhappy that I wasn't driving as fast as he would have liked through the construction zone, getting ready to pass me on the right despite my right turning signal and the fact that I am drifting to the right as I am attempting to find my exit in the darkness.
Do you ever find that your life is a construction zone? That you think you are following directions, preparing for what's ahead until suddenly the road changes and you become overwhelmed?
If you haven't, I have... I am... Right now. Everything is overwhelming me. I know that He is in control and everything is for the most part really good. But, I still feel knocked out of my lane, a little unsure, blinded, wanting to slow down a little bit but knowing that the speed limit hasn't decreased.
Where I don't want to end up, is on the other side, in the middle of the darkness, unable to see anything, lost and drifting.
I know I keep talking about trust, but that is what I am being told. Trust in Him. That He will bring me through this construction zone that He given to me. He waited until I was ready for it. I know this. I just need to keep trusting.
How is He testing your trust today? Are you experiencing your own construction zone?

God With You

Love for Direction: Part 2

Do you ever wonder if He's listening? Do you ever wonder if He cares about your tiny little problem when He has the huge weight of the world to take care of?
If you've been reading my posts over the last few weeks, you know I've been struggling with some work related issues and yesterday I asked for your prayers as I am finding the situation more and more difficult to handle.
This morning I wake up to find today's devotional from Dr. David Jeremiah so strong that I'm putting a link to it here.
First of all... Psalm 23 was probably the only verse I had even a clue of having any of it memorized growing up.... Memorization wasn't big in the church I went to as a kid.
But as I start reading through the devotional, it just started echoing the ideas of my Thursday night class.
That voice inside you, guiding you.... I'm trying to find it.... I need it in this situation so desperately!
I know I'm lost and it seems my GPS is broken right now, but I think this week has been one where I have been so blessed to have God show me again and again, He is in control. He knows what is going on and is taking care of everything.
How can I not love my God?

Love for Music: "Go Rest High on That Mountain"

"Go Rest High On That Mountain" by Vince Gill

I know your life
On earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
You were no stranger to the rain

[Chorus:]
Go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and Son

Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve
I wish I could see the angels faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing

[Chorus]

Earlier today, a man and a woman joined Jesus in his eternal love. They now have the blessing of his never ending presence and peace.
I send prayers for their families and co-workers that they also find love and peace in a time of tragedy.

I know this song isn't perfect for the situation ... But the chorus is one that makes me think of peace and rest well earned after our work here is finished.  Amen

Love for Direction

I usually love the craziness of my job.  Getting to do something different every day.  Working with a wide variety of people, but only seeing a very small number.  Juggling a million balls of different sizes as I decide which ones are the most important to concentrate on first.
I have excelled at this for years even with the added insanity of my bosses who usually are just amusement for me as I watch their life and the way they live it.
Three years ago, they started becoming more aggressive towards me and a year later I left.  The company that I went to was not quite the right fit for me, so when I was offered this job again, I decided to take it back because I missed the craziness, the excitement, the people.
14 months later, we are back where we were 2 years ago, if not worse.  I certainly never cried back then.
Today dressed down for 2 basic tasks of my job as if it were my first day and I didn't have a clue what I were doing.
The first, giving out the bosses cell phone number...  This is something that any entry level receptionist learns her first day on the job and I am not an entry level receptionist.  I've been doing office jobs for over 10 years now...  I *NEVER* give out someone's cell phone number unless I know I have permission to.
I just am starting to wear thin on how much I can take and why I am still here.
One of the girls in my Thursday night class keeps saying about her job 'I know there is a reason God has me where I am.'  I keep trying to apply this philosophy to my job, but the string I'm grasping at is getting smaller by the day, my prayers weaker.
Please join with me, because I don't know what I am supposed to be doing, and I am quickly losing sight of the love in this situation.

Powerful Love

Love for Attention

As I'm winding down, going through my prayers and devotionals, sorting through the ideas I gathered earlier today for tonight's post, hoping for some inspiration, none of it really working. All the while, my youngest cat, once upon a time a feral kitten has wandered in...   Begging for attention.  By begging, I mean screaming as only he can, walking all over where I'm trying to work, fur flying everywhere as he rubs against me. I absently pet him and..... Silence.
I should back track a bit....
He was attacked by a dog as a kitten and his mentality never really recovered. Very skittish. More of a 'I'll come to you' cat. Long before this ever happened, his name was already Casper. Afterwards, no one except me ever saw him.
I lived with a roommate for 8 months. He slept under her bed if given the opportunity, but she didn't see him 10 times in 8 months.
Casper is a medium hair cat, my big fur ball. Earlier this year, he matted up again. He doesn't do it often thankfully!  He never let's me close enough for long enough to fix it.
It got bad this year though..... I kept trying and trying.... And eventually, for the first time ever, he figured out that I was helping and just stayed still and let me just pet him, digging my nails into the mats, breaking them up.
It still took forever, but I knew better than to try a comb or brush. At least he was letting me touch him for as long as I wanted.
I can still pet him as much as I want. We are even working on my walking up to him fairly successfully.
So when he screams for attention as I'm looking for inspiration......... Guess maybe I'm the one that needs to pay attention....
Where do you need to pay attention?

Love for Someone Else

This week in Sunday School we did something different with our prayer requests.  As we shared what was troubling us most, someone else in our group said that they would also pray specifically for you this week.
My burden this week is particularly heavy and keeps creeping up on me every time I am alone and unfocused on something else.  It is troubling me while I sleep.
Every time I find myself worrying about this situation that is beyond my control, first I pray for the worry to be released from my heart and for the situation to be resolved, but then, every single time, I pray for the other person in my Sunday School class.
I find myself filled with love and compassion, so much joy and the never ending fight that seems to fill this woman that I am praying for...  I seem to have channeled her spirit as she is never far from me these last few days.
I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to pray for such a beautiful woman!

Love to Say I Love You

Tonight I'm tired. A migraine hit me at work today. As I walked to my car, the sun blinded me and I knew it was going to be a fun drive home as I skipped the gym yet again. So disappointed with myself.
Tired... This is who I am becoming. Tired of this and that and everything else.
Don't get me wrong. I love this new direction that God has given me, this blog, finding love, the energy is encouraging! But day to day life is still.... Tiring.
This morning driving to work, I totally had plans to write tonight, but by tonight, sleep was all that I had plans for.
Until, yet again.... God and Dr. David Jeremiah changed them for me. Recently I downloaded his app for the devotionals.
Today's devotional ? Talks about Americans buying greeting cards to cheer one another up and comparing it to Paul writing his letters. The devotional finishes with a suggestion to write someone, however you choose to offer a word of encouragement.
As I read those words, I knew that I would be writing a post,but not the post I had planned from this morning. My plans for here so rarely work.
What if I didn't write this post? What if someone who needed encouragement from me couldn't find it because I was too tired to write?
I have no magical words of wisdom. Only that I love each and every one of the people reading this entry.
In only 2 short weeks, I have reached 4 continents and 6 countries. I have gone nationwide in the USA, touching both coasts.
The amazing power of this is beyond any of my comprehension.
I do not know everyone reading these words, but know that I pray for love in your life!

Love for Trust

I have been struggling with a few things lately.  Some that I have shared here, some that I am not yet ready to share.  Last night I had a dream that my church was sorting through donations for those less fortunate and I was helping out.  There was a massive stack of canopies that were to be used for backyard barbecues and such.  For some reason we were taking them out of the bag that they come in.  I was helping someone else out and she was struggling, suddenly we were both falling backwards and just kept falling.  I find this extremely ironic because I cannot even begin to count the number of times I have set up and torn down 'backyard canopies' by my self or with someone else.  It is my job to do this.  As we started to fall, the other members of the church saw us and started towards us, but we never actually fell.
Now usually, when I have a 'falling' dream, I wake with a start because you are frightened beyond all belief.  But I didn't.  Yes, I woke up, but it was a gentle waking with peace.
With everything I've been praying about lately, asking for guidance... I believe that this dream was his way of saying, yes, you are falling, but I'll catch you.  You won't fall.
I'm still worried.  I'm human.  But I'm continuing to hold on to that peace, that feeling of not being afraid.

Find a moment today.  Ask for peace.  For trust.  To not be afraid.

Jesus Remind Me

Love for a Missing Piece of My Heart

Today is my sister's birthday.  She is less than 2 years younger than me and growing up we were really close.  In high school, we had a lot of the same friends.  When a lot of people would comment to me saying I could never imagine being that close to a sibling, I would respond with I can't imagine anything different.
I'm Italian, and not that I was raised in a traditional Italian household, but I do think that we were raised with a certain sense of family means everything.  My parents liked big houses on a decent amount of land that usually guaranteed that outside of cousins, we didn't have many playmates, so siblings it was.  And man, we could come up with some crazy stuff.  But it was a great childhood and I love my siblings very much!!
My parents moved to VA leaving my sister in their house in NY.  My husband and I had just moved into our apartment a couple of towns away and life was perfect.  Until he started driving a wedge between me and everyone I knew, including my sister.  By the time I left him 4 months later, my sister and I weren't talking at all.
10 years later, we are 500 miles apart and basically only talk if we are in the same state.  We aren't Facebook friends.  I used to wish her Happy Holidays until I received a message back asking who it was texting her.  She won't read this.
The state of our relationship breaks my heart....  More than she could ever know...





One of my best friends taken from me because I was young and stupid and I didn't know what was happening to me.  I can't fix what happened.  I can't undo what happened.  I can't go back in time and change history.  Really I don't think I would want because all of that history made me into who I am today, and I like the me I am.  But some days....  most days....  I really wish I hadn't had to lose my sister when I decided to make the single biggest mistake of my life.


I can only pray that one day I am forgiven.



Happy birthday to the one and only sister I have!

Love for Music: "Broken Hallelujah"

"Broken Hallelujah" by The Afters

I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where You are.

I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say,
But You're the one that can hear my heart.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You're making beauty from these ashes.

I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call Your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

You know the things that have brought me here.
You know the story of every tear.
‘Cause You've been here from the very start.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You're making beauty from these ashes.

I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call Your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

When all is taken away, don't let my heart be changed.
Let me always sing Hallelujah
When I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased
Let me always sing Hallelujah.
Let me always sing Hallelujah.

I will always sing
I will always sing
Here's my broken hallelujah.

Tonight was the last night of our Hebrews bible study and we did a wrap up / review. As I was driving home, this song came on and while I don't recall having ever heard it before, I found myself singing along with it, feeling the words and the meaning.
This summer it has amazed me at the number of times I've seen God's messages echoed from church to Sunday School to Thursday night to individual study and tonight was no exception.
This song talks about the struggle of life and brokenness and praising through it all. About not knowing what to say or how to pray, but still praising.
Everything that this song talks about, we talked about tonight.... When people ask me, how do you know God exists..... THIS..... this....... This is how I know..... When I know the words to a song I've never heard before, when they touch my soul, when they connect with me and when I realize that every single one was just mentioned an hour before....
This is what faith is.... In its simplest form. Love from my God to me. Amen!

How do you feel loved today?

Love for Self Beauty

When I was a baby, I was a beautiful child with gorgeous golden hair.  But as I aged to a teenager, I saw myself next to my sister with her perfect porcelain skin and Italian brown hair and brown eyes.  My hair had darkened to a mousy in-between blonde and brown color, my skin a mess, my body tall and bony.  I just couldn't compete.
Several years ago, I met a woman on Craigslist and we became good friends.  I discovered that she was a hairstylist.  After several months, I decided to see what she could do with my hair.
This is the last haircut I gave to myself.  I loved it and thought it was fabulous, although it had chopped off the last of the burgundy that I had left.  I  don't know how long before I met my friend it was that I did this, but I know it was quite awhile and time for a cut.
We have been through several different men, a good roommate, a crazy roommate, a drunk roommate, life, death, several different lengths of hair and many different colors over the years.
I continue to recommend her to everyone I possibly can until several months ago when she closed her books to everyone except existing clients because she was unable to reschedule appointments and she was needing to schedule new clients several months out.  Her salon is actual nominated for the best in Richmond.
When you have someone like this in your life...  It makes a huge difference.  This is what I look like today.  While I still have a ton of issues with my self beauty.  There is nothing like a good cut and color to just make you feel awesome and well loved!

A Glimpse of Heaven

You Have All You Need

His Love Endures Forever

Love for Wide Open Roads

I grew up in a town of 900 people.  The school system I graduated from had 1200 from K-12.  My graduating class was 67. Our roads were 2 lanes. Heavy traffic was getting stuck behind a school bus or a tractor, but when it was safe, both would pull over to let you pass.
We would go to the neighboring cities for our groceries and to see my mom's parents, or my dad's sisters lived in the 'big city' an hour away.  That was a full days trip if we decided to make it.  But going to these cities, we rarely encountered multi-lane traffic, and if we did, everyone in the car was expected to help out. And if we went to downtown Ithaca... Just expect to sit in a parking lot... And don't go during rush hour! (We went out of our way to avoid going there....)
I moved from there to Tampa Bay and then ended up an hour outside of Richmond, where I make the commute every day... Same amount of time as it used to take to get to my aunts house... Funny how life changes...
But this is not the point of my story.
Richmond traffic is about as far from the traffic I grew up with as you can get and even when I go out of my way to avoid the heaviest areas, I still find traffic... Everything is 2, 3, 4 lanes in each direction and I go insane. Someone out there is masochistic enough to enjoy all this traffic... That person is not me!
After telling my 'Blinded' story to my Thursday night group, one of the ladies said that she prays for the other person instead of turning on her high beams... Way to make me feel 3" tall.... But I figured it was probably the more Christian way to react and I would try it.... So I have been, but I'm not really sure on how to pray for someone that is literally about to make me crash my car, since I have enough problems seeing at night. I've also been trying to pray for the person who cuts me off or doesn't use their turning signal or drives to slow or.... Not that I'm an aggressive driver, but I have a very long list of pet peeves when it comes to driving and I love to vent about them.... So I've been praying a lot while driving.... But I still haven't figured out the how part....
I said at the beginning, in the 'Blinded' post that this was my journey of love. Well, part of yesterdays journey was that as I started to go off, I realized I was, and I started to pray instead. Asking for continued guidance. I know that He will show me the way as long as I ask. And I am catching myself more often, stopping, slowing down, trying to show His love, even when I'm in the car, by myself and no one is looking.
Where are you showing His love today?

Love for Nature

This morning as I was heading to my car, I heard the honking of Canadian geese and was reminded of home, Upstate NY.  The geese start flying as the seasons change, glorious reds, oranges, golds heralding a beautiful New England autumn.  I don't know that I have ever seen a more beautiful sight that the world celebrating my birthday...  (insert a large dose of sarcasm here)
It is one of the very few things that I regret about living in Virginia.  Everything just kind of goes brown here.  Yes, we get a few reds and oranges and yellows, but nothing like my trip with my daddy through Massachusetts and Vermont or the weekend that my grandpapa and I went home for my birthday.  Those trips are memories that I am blessed to have because I was able to see God's paintbrush across the mountains, the trees in their glory, as they get ready for winter, a beautiful fiery forest that just takes your breath away...
God planned for that one moment, for the single instance as you stand at the outlook, seeing His kingdom, created just for you....
Every moment of every day, no matter if it is as big as a mountain, or as small as a raindrop, was planned with the love of God, just for you.
Where are you experiencing God's love today?

Soar Above the Storm

Everything Happens For A Reason

Everything happens for a reason is something of a family motto...

Isaiah 48:10 (NRSV) See, I have refined you, but not like silver; I have tested you in the furnace of adversity.
This is the verse that was wrote inside of the bible that my Christian mother gave me.

I think that the two are related... But in the end, have very different meanings.... In my life, I keep hoping that He will think I've had enough adversity and testing.... We all know how successful that will be.
History has shown on day 4 of a rainfall, I will get a migraine. Last Monday was day 4 and as the week progressed so did my pain until I was confined to my bedroom. To add to the test, my parents had gone to visit my siblings, and I was responsible for an entire community of animals that live in a different building from me. A friend's daughter was moving late in the week and I had committed to helping because her husband was going on a mission trip and they were going to be short handed. And to finish the week? An 8 hour balloon sculpting show in a courtyard with no shade.
I ended up calling into work because I could not drive for 2 days and thankfully circumstances allowed the move to be delayed a day so I could pretend to be helpful. Even more circumstances beyond my control allowed me to be in a shaded location yesterday and last night I was able to sleep for almost 8 hours. The first in a week. Today, the sun hurts only a little and I hope to be recovered soon....
I know the Lord will never stop testing me, but as long as He continues to stand by me... I will survive.
How is He helping you to survive your tests?

Love for Pain...

Isaiah 48:10 (NRSV) See, I have refined you, but not like silver; I have tested you in the furnace of adversity.

I've had a migraine building since Monday that is taking me out of commission temporarily. I will be back soon!

Yesterday's Circus

Somehow, I find myself in the middle of a circus almost on a daily basis lately...  Not unlike a ringmaster, only the control I used to have, the mastery of the lions and tigers and bears, keeping the clowns from getting too silly and the elephants from eating too many peanuts and the fire rings from getting out of control has failed me...
My work life has been chaotic for some time to put it politely and it has been getting worse.  Some of my sales reps have already left and others are waiting for me to leave since I have already left once.  My problem is that I love my job, I love some of the people I work with, I am really good at this job and have been doing it a really long time.  I know what is expected of me and how to get everything accomplished that needs to be accomplished in a day, week, months time.
When I left before, it was really hard, know that I was hurting these people that I love, and I really did.  This company suffered.  No one hired in the interim was able to do the job as well as I could.  I am well aware of the sin of pride and I am not being boastful, but merely stating a fact.  Also, the company that I went to, I just never really fit in.  The 2 different jobs that I tried to do, were really hard and try as I might, I was never able to excel at either of them.  I never grasped them or felt that I mastered what it was that I needed to do in a day.  For someone who has always walked into a job and known what I was doing very quickly, it was very difficult to work there.  This makes the decision for me to leave here again that much harder as the job market is so much smaller than it was when I found this job 5 years ago.  Also, when I left last time, it was only a matter of making life more difficult for the company.  This time, it will tear the company apart if I leave.
All of this has been going on over the last 2 months since we were fired from a very large vendor and it is making my life in the corporate office.......  a circus.
I used to be 'a filter' between the office and the team.  A way to moderate the craziness and calm down the insanity, but now I just get shut down and yelled at.  I find myself praying for peace and calmness and a way to survive the day.
I was asked yesterday how I was by the company manager.  Instead of responding with 'crazy' or 'insane' or anything else that I could have...  My response was, 'I'm good.'
Yes, my job is a circus, and I have no idea how to show my bosses God's love and I am praying for some sign as to what to do with this situation...  But since realizing the true meaning of 'Love is here, take it with you' there is a deep peace within me...  Something that this circus cannot touch...

I am good!

Love is here, please take it with you.  How are you experiencing love in your life today?

Let Your Love Show

God is Love!

Pushed Out of My Box

One of my devotionals for August 7 was titled 'Now!'. It spoke of a would be disciple that wanted to follow Jesus except for his family obligations. The writer of the devotion states that if the man had followed Jesus, God would have taken care of his familial needs. When we are called, the time to act is now.
I did read this as is my 'new' habit, but with the craziness of this weekend, I did not go back and write my thoughts about this devotional until yesterday.
Why is yesterday important? Because this is the day that the majority of my Thursday night bible study was talking after Sunday School, not about anything in particular, just the sermon, or what we talked about in Sunday School, or a book, or app. I mentioned this blog. One of the girls isn't on Facebook so I knew she hadn't seen it yet and I didn't think the other 2 had seen it yet either.
So I gave them a brief background of the 'Blinded' story, plus a couple personal details that related directly to them... But they wanted to know more about this book that has so inspired me to write, especially since we all really enjoyed the book we are currently studying by him.
After looking at it, we decided to study it next in our Thursday night group and since it is my book and 'love' is my word, the 'leader' of our little group has pushed me out of my comfort zone and wants me to lead the study.
Our Sunday School leader has us exploring the idea of being willing to be afraid, or being willing to be vulnerable. Well.... Being the leader of anything makes me afraid, but I did not say no as I could not refute the logic used to nominate me.
When I read my August 7 devotional at the end of the day.... I knew my 'Now!' was NOW!
Love is a message He wants me to share, and He is telling me to share it now.... So, I am afraid, and I am vulnerable and I will probably mess up.... But in a months time I will be leading a bible study about God's love.

Love is Here: The Beginning

Early December 2015, I walked out to my car on a Friday morning, heading to work. In front of my car were several Christmas gift bags full of presents. I was running late for work and thought my mom was trying to be cute since my dad had just come home from work and I knew as the holidays got closer his home time would be more limited and sporadic. I just grabbed everything and threw it in the back seat and drove to work.
When I got home that night, Mom didn't say anything, which could mean that she didn't know anything or she was waiting for me to figure it out. So I started looking at the bags without trying to make it look like I was snooping because if I was caught.... It wouldn't be good.... Cascadian Farms bars? Smart Water? A Panera Bread bag (no Panera Bread food, bummer....) A Hallmark gift, although I didn't know what it was because it was taped shut. Christmas lights. A stuffed dog.  None of this was stuff that my mom would buy for me and some of it was stuff that I REALLY like, so obviously whoever left it knows me....
But no one knows where I live. Let me explain that. I live in an apartment on my parents property, which is the last house on a mile long one lane dirt road, privately maintained, 10 miles from the highway, an hour from the city. Verizon is the only cell service. When you think you are in the wrong place, you know you are in the right place. No one comes to visit me, no one knows where I live.
So who left these gifts? Because I really don't think it was my mom......
For the next 2 weeks, I attempted to figure out who it was that left these gifts.  I just didn't feel right about opening them without knowing who to thank. Finally, I decided to take them to my grandma's with me on vacation and open them with her.  That way we could have Christmas together.
A couple Sundays later, one of the girls in my Sunday School class was talking about how God is good! She got these boots that she LOVED for almost nothing. Another girl said she had a tire on her truck fixed for free. I told everyone about these bags of presents that were left at my car. They asked if they were still in my car, next thing I know I'm opening all these gifts with my Sunday School class. A whole bag of snack foods, perfect for a road trip. The Hallmark gift? The manger scene. A warm throw blanket perfect for sleeping in your car.  Books for Christian women. As I continue to open the gifts, the more I am convinced that my mother did not give me these gifts, the more I am overwhelmed because I don't know who did and the love and generosity.....  I was on the verge of tears as we finished.... One of the girls asked if there was anything saying who it was from and I said 'no, nothing'
2 days later, as I was gathering everything to transfer to the rental car, I found one more bag..... With a card, full of gas cards and a message 'love is here, take it with you'. The hand that wrote the note? The resident artist within our Sunday School class. 
At this point, I am crying because God worked His miracle so that I wouldn't open those gifts until I was with those who gave them to me, but misplaced the bag telling me who it was from until 2 days later.
This message has literally shaped my entire year as I've moved through it, the good times, the bad times, everything. Up until last week when I realized that it wasn't just accepting love, but also giving love.
So 8 months later, I finally understand God's message for me in that card.  Sometimes it's not always easy to see what is right in front of your face.

Not So Simple

Yesterday's story does not have a happy ending. I have no excuse or explanation, it just is.
Our entertainment company is known for 'huggable', 'wearable', and party favor balloons. So this is what we train our subcontractors to make. Customers are usually very pleased with these choices.  Yesterday, one was insistent that his children wanted a very simple balloon that I had only taught my sub to make the night before.  I knew he could do it as long as he was watching me make it, so I took one child as he took the other.
Once the father figured out that my sub didn't know how to make the sculpture, he stood there being rude the entire time as I'm trying to help him out. The more this guy talked, the more problems my guy had.
My heart was breaking for my sub and I know I walked a very fine line of holding it together to get the customer out of my booth. But at the end of the night, I knew this moment was my hardest test of the day. And I failed. My love for my subcontractor, my pride for my business made it impossible for me to show God's love to the father of these children as well.

Crying in the Rain

Driving to work this morning, I was inspired by Matthew West 'Hello, My Name Is' and thought what a great way to give the back story of 'Love is Here, Take It With You'!  God, all-knowing as He is, had a better plan for my day.
My bosses were reviewing the credit card statement in the back office and came across a charge that they could not account for so they came to me asking what it was for.  When I started to explain, I was yelled at, screamed at, including obscenities, by a tiny Italian woman, stating when a bill comes that I need to print it and put it into her box so that she has a record of it.
I attempted to explain that I had done all of this, but was cut off, by not one, but both of my bosses, as the yelling and screaming escalated.
All I could think was that I had had followed the exact procedure, because I had actually needed to verify that the credit card on file for the bill was the correct that we were going to charge.
For the first time in over 5 years of working for these very stressful people, I started to cry in front of them and went running out into the rain and through the parking lot.  After several minutes of being unable to control myself and calm down, I just started praying.
'Lord, please help me find the love in this situation.  Let me love these people.  Let me show them Your love.  Please help me walk back into that building.'
Even though I was still crying and couldn't stop, I started back towards my office.  By the time I reached the door.  I could at least hold myself together.  I opened the door to walk into my office and I see this little woman unlocking the door to her office down the hall.  She walks up to me and offers me the first apology I have received from her in the entire time I have been working here as well as a hand shake and we calmly discussed the situation.
Trust in God and He will calm the storm.  And remember that your plan is not always His plan...

Blinded

We start in the middle of my story, as sometimes one must do. Tonight as I was driving home from bible study is when is finally realized what God has been trying to tell me all year long. I'll tell more about that later. What is important for tonight is what I have learned this week and most importantly, today.
You see, my message this entire year has been about love and I thought about accepting the love of others, because I am REALLY bad about that. But today I started reading a book called 'God Loves You' by Dr. David Jeremiah.  I haven't gotten far, but the philosophy isn't just that God loves you, but that He loves everyone! No matter color, creed, nation, etc. Everyone! To paraphrase, the person who cut you off on the highway, the person who was rude in the grocery store, everyone! This takes some adjustment for sure, so I put the book down and talked to my friends for a bit before heading to bible study.
Starting to feel like we are back at the beginning? We might be...
I'm almost home, and a car comes around a corner with their high beams on. So I turn my high beams on. Do you see where this is going?
No sooner than the car had passed me did I hear that voice inside me say 'God loves him too'.
Crap!
I mean it is hard enough with my self love issues to try to deal with accepting others love but now I have to love others as well?
So this is my journey as I learn to love myself, to accept love and to give love.