Love to be Alone

I thought I had beat the wintertime blues this year. It was September and then October and then November and still no sign of the depression that starts appearing every autumn. I had spent the year building a fantastic support system around myself, holding the flood gates back.
While I wasn't as happy as I had been in the summer, I wasn't sad either. For me, I was calling it a success!
And then the unthinkable...  A series of personal tragedies and mentally stressful situations all within 2 weeks and I was overloaded and overwhelmed...
Rather than falling back on my support system, I did exactly what I've always done... Relied on myself to survive... And I did, but soon I felt the depression starting to set in and knew I was in trouble.
And I did something I don't ever remember doing before. I prayed for help. The next morning I woke to the most beautiful sunrise that just took my breath away. As I left my driveway, I drove into a dull, dark gray misty darkness and I knew both vistas were a sign from God that He was with me. He had no answers, but He was with me.
That Sunday, one of my friends from Bible study that I had not seen in several weeks asked how I was and when I told her everything it just helped. That same week was our Christmas party and being able to share there.... My support system surrounded me with love that week.
The next week in church, my pastor used the new Star Wars movie as part of her sermon and it was a bittersweet moment because it made me think of my grandpapa. He would have loved to have been here to see this! He introduced me to Star Wars and is the reason I love it today. But I just felt that this sermon, right now, when I needed it, was another sign that everything is OK, here is another sign of My love for you!
Someday I am going to learn to not pull away from the people who love me when I'm hurting. But I don't think that day is today or tomorrow. I guess as long as I keep trying, that is what is important.
As I was told last month,  'as long as you recognize the signs...'  So this is me, continuing to fight for me life to me how I want it to be. And praying for the wisdom to know how to do that...