Love to Remember

I have suffered from migraines since 12 years old.  Some times I hurt worse than others, but every day of my life, I wake up with pain.  I just have to get on with my life.  But then there are those days, when I just cannot not get out of my bed, no matter how much I try.
About a year ago, these specific migraines started getting out of control to the point of disruption of my life and I decided to seek medical attention.  After a couple of false starts, we found a mix of medications that are controlling my migraines well and I am living my life my life again happily.
I was told that a side effect of one of the medications was memory loss, but I brushed it off.  I'm not one of those people that believes in the LONG list of side effect that comes with every drug on the market, and my memory is amazing.
My mom said to me once 'Why do I need to write it down? I have you!'
I have other people comment on the fact that I can remember conversations almost verbatim even a year later.  I just remember stuff easily.
A couple months ago, mom and I were talking with a friend about a very dear friend of ours and I could not for the life of me remember his name.  I could picture him, I could remember one of his catch phrases, I could remember his alter ego, but I could not remember his name.  I actually had to get onto Facebook and scroll through my friends to figure out his name.
Next, I couldn't remember the name of a celebrity chef that I love, then one of my closest friends as I was trying to introduce her to someone else.  Recently, I've started having issues remembering which key unlocks the building at work and which one unlocks my office.
In our bible study a few weeks ago, we studied the 10 commandments and talked about that anger is just a step away from murder and so I've been trying to be careful about getting angry and about being hateful.  But it is so frustrating to look at my friend, who is helping to save me from my darkest self this year, who is keeping me afloat, and not be able to remember her name.  To be so embarrassed as my mother harasses me for not being able to remember our dear friends name that I love so much.
Last night we talked about Paul's thorn in the flesh and asking God to remove it.  Instead, God give him the grace to deal with it.
I asked for my migraines to be removed and they have been.  Instead I may be starting to lose small pieces of my memory.
I know He is with me as I go through this and I am here for a reason.  I can only continue to pray for His grace as Paul did to deal with with frustration of not being able to do everything I used to be able to do.

Love to Love You

When our small group started their study of God Loves You by David Jeremiah, I told myself that I was not going to blog about it anymore.  I wanted my reader to come to the bible study instead of just reading about it here.
There is one very large problem with that idea...  My readers are all across the world.  I am reaching more people than I ever thought I would.
Second reason I am breaking my self imposed rule is that this weeks' chapter was just so strong, so moving, so powerful...  As I started reading...  Before I had finished the second page of the chapter, I already was composing this post.  I knew I had to share this message.  It was one that I did not learn growing up and I knew it was one that I had to share.
David Jeremiah starts with a story from 'With: Reimagining the Way You Relate to God' by Skye Jethani. The House of Despair was an underground safehouse for Christian college students.  These students were probably the outcasts on campus as they sought various forms of painkillers: sex, drugs, alcohol, and just real conversation.
As I read about these kids and their struggles in school, I found myself understanding where they were coming from.
One night, the original author asks the students how many were raised in a Christian home?
All raised their hands.
How many grew up in a bible centered church?
All hands stayed up.
And none of you realize that through everything, God still loves you...

As humans we are taught about conditional love: if I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough or short enough or rich enough or flirty enough or the list goes on, he won't love me. I try everything I can to keep his love.
God's love is unconditional. He loves you because He wants to, because He created you.
2 Timothy 13 says 'if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.'
Think about that. No matter how much you mess up, He still loves you because you are part of Himself. What a strong and amazing image to hold close!
As I started reading about the House of Despair and their stories, these words kept echoing in my head 'For God so loved the world.'
I wasn't finishing the verse. I was being told to stop right there. Because isn't that what these kids needed to know? They knew about Jesus. They know the story, as do most people out there.
But do you know, and I mean, do you know, that God loves you? You!
No matter what you did yesterday, what you do today or what you do tomorrow. God will always love you!