Somehow, I find myself in the middle of a circus almost on a daily basis lately... Not unlike a ringmaster, only the control I used to have, the mastery of the lions and tigers and bears, keeping the clowns from getting too silly and the elephants from eating too many peanuts and the fire rings from getting out of control has failed me...
My work life has been chaotic for some time to put it politely and it has been getting worse. Some of my sales reps have already left and others are waiting for me to leave since I have already left once. My problem is that I love my job, I love some of the people I work with, I am really good at this job and have been doing it a really long time. I know what is expected of me and how to get everything accomplished that needs to be accomplished in a day, week, months time.
When I left before, it was really hard, know that I was hurting these people that I love, and I really did. This company suffered. No one hired in the interim was able to do the job as well as I could. I am well aware of the sin of pride and I am not being boastful, but merely stating a fact. Also, the company that I went to, I just never really fit in. The 2 different jobs that I tried to do, were really hard and try as I might, I was never able to excel at either of them. I never grasped them or felt that I mastered what it was that I needed to do in a day. For someone who has always walked into a job and known what I was doing very quickly, it was very difficult to work there. This makes the decision for me to leave here again that much harder as the job market is so much smaller than it was when I found this job 5 years ago. Also, when I left last time, it was only a matter of making life more difficult for the company. This time, it will tear the company apart if I leave.
All of this has been going on over the last 2 months since we were fired from a very large vendor and it is making my life in the corporate office....... a circus.
I used to be 'a filter' between the office and the team. A way to moderate the craziness and calm down the insanity, but now I just get shut down and yelled at. I find myself praying for peace and calmness and a way to survive the day.
I was asked yesterday how I was by the company manager. Instead of responding with 'crazy' or 'insane' or anything else that I could have... My response was, 'I'm good.'
Yes, my job is a circus, and I have no idea how to show my bosses God's love and I am praying for some sign as to what to do with this situation... But since realizing the true meaning of 'Love is here, take it with you' there is a deep peace within me... Something that this circus cannot touch...
I am good!
Love is here, please take it with you. How are you experiencing love in your life today?
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